he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
