just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
