Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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