This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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