You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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