You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
