You're my little dorito
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
