yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
