Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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