Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
