so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
