She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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