We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
