How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
there is glitter all over my balls
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
