I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
