but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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