its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
