dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
handjob tips. give me some.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize