I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she told me i tasted like america
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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