Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize