Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
