Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
