By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize