he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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