Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
