Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
