She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
