yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
