I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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