I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
