I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently I’m into choking now
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