And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please, let me fuck your mom
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
