Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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