the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
