I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
