Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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