Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
