I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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