I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
