I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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