she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
