There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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