Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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