An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This toilet bowl is my home.
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