out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
