I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize