a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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