they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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