Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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