So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
