im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
try to milk me bitch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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