I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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