look no pants
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
