And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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