umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
