There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
