I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize