Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
