And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
