please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
