We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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