I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
