Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
