I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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