if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
