hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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